Being in the Moment

Had a very interesting conversation today around what a vacation holds for us. A conversation very relevant because this week for the first time in my life i am going on a solo holiday to Goa. A permission i could give myself because the daughter is away on her own holiday with people i love and trust. And because i am exhausted and drained to my very bones.

As much as I am excited with the idea, of being in a quiet place, close to water, there are countless what ifs buzzing thru my head. What if this holiday does NOTHING to re-energize me? What if i am unable to take myself to the pool? What if i crash badly one of the days? What if I feel sick because yet again i have taken recourse to food to numb myself? What if the work waiting to be finished when I get back makes me deeply regret taking this much needed break?

And as I lay out these What ifs, the other person asks me gently - What if you drop all the agenda, the structure and stay in the moment? What if this holiday is nothing but an attempt towards discovery? What if all i did was stay in the now and see what emerges - how i feel, what i think and simply notice?

And though all she asked me were questions - they strangely seemed to answer my own What ifs!

10 Days of Self-care

On my way home after having spent 10 days at RK nature cure centre. This has been the first of its kind for me and also hugely inspired by my dear friend Bhanu who has such commitment to her health.

While the first three days, I kept thinking of my decision as a huge step towards self care and self love, over the 10 days, I feel like I have developed a new relationship with my body. The first three days were really tough given the tea deprivation headaches I got, as were the last two days when I just craved for my normal routine back home. Despite these tough times, I feel this was one of those rare times when my body led the day and not my mind.

The most significant insight for me at the end of this period has been: To eat food based on what my stomach needs and not allowing my head or even my heart to take that call - The generous portions of fruits, steamed veggies, juices - none that the head or the heart would have chosen - left my body feeling healthy and energetic. It helped me get a sense of the amount of food my body needs to work well through the day. It was also interesting to experience the body go through specific breaks between different meals. To actually create a gap of  14 hours between dinner and breakfast was surprisingly easy ( when done the right way). It was after the longest time that I was having every single meal at the table, sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend, and not in front of the screen.

This helped me get a more real sense of how my body was experiencing the food.

The other interesting learning was slowing down in exercise. And in each stretch, each aasan to pay attention to the breath. The slowing down while it got me more aware of how much addicted I am to multitasking or act with a sense of urgency, it also helped me notice my body in a different way. There were things I noticed that I didn't like - the flab, the loss of flexibility, and yet despite that to pamper the body with the daily massage, was an act of deep acceptance.

I am leaving the place with a new relationship with my body and with  food. I am also inspired to live life with a focus on wellness. Hoping to sustain this once I am back in the much missed home and routine!